Love Notes: Grand Finale

Get this...if you want a successful marriage then when you get angry you should both strip down and see if you still want to fight it out.

Did that catch your attention?

Just kidding but I have heard it works wonders.

I'm closing up this topic today to make way for a new topic for March.  

Today I want to end the marriage enrichment blog posts with this....probably the most important lesson learned in our enrichment study that we enjoyed immensely.

There are six words that you should never forget to say to your spouse.

I am sorry

&

I forgive you

I could sit here and type about how you need to say I love you all the time but folks that is a given.  You know you need to say those three words and normally they fall out of our mouths without us even thinking about it.

The words - I am sorry and I forgive you do not seem to just roll off the tongue with great ease.  They are almost too difficult for us to say.

I am sorry.

Those are three powerful words.  When you say them with genuine meaning then you are truly a strong person. When you say them you are admitting you were wrong.  As humans it is very hard for us to admit we are wrong.  It starts early and sticks with us. 

I know how hard it is to say I am sorry.  I am a tough cookie to crack. Yes, I am bull headed as they come! Those three words are so very laborious for me to mumble, let alone clearly speak!

But the power they have is incredible.

When I am a wife that has said something out of anger or rage or hurt feelings I am a difficult and scary creature.  It is too easy for me to say words that cut flesh and bone.  I can rattle cages and do so much damage with my words.  

As I have gotten a little older and wiser and as I have been married longer and experienced more bumps in the road I have realized I can better hold my fiery tongue.  I have also learned, though it is hard on me, I can also apologize for hurt I have caused my spouse with angry expressions.

I forgive you.

My husband forgives my anger.  That is so powerful.  If he couldn't forgive my dagger throwing mouth then we couldn't make it.

Forgiveness is harder sometimes than apologizing.  

People hurt us and we want to cradle that hurt like a little baby.  Then we want to in turn use that hurt against the person who hurt us.  

Think back to Chuck & Larry....

It is a circle, a never ending, good for nothing circle that cannot make anything stronger but hatred and resentment.

I have been hurt badly in my life.  I wanted to hang on to that hurt and use it to fuel my detestation for the people who had hurt me.  What did that do?  Make a mockery of me?  Of course.  I couldn't move forward if all I wanted to do was hold something against someone else.  I was the brick wall and I was making situations worse by not allowing them to heal.

When I offered forgiveness - wholehearted forgiveness - my life became so much better.

I held the idea of forgiving my husband for some of his wrongdoings in a little box, tucked away.  He wasn't worthy of my forgiveness because he had only thought of himself and never regarded me or our daughter.

That is irony folks.

The irony is I was hurting him by only thinking of the pain placed on me by his ill decision making.  I was being a stupid human.  By being that stupid human I was making the pain worse and I was not allowing healing to take place.

Marriages cannot survive if your own spouse cannot give you mercy and by mercy I mean forgiveness.  As far as that goes no relationship can last if you cannot ask for forgiveness and offer it up.

As Christians I owe everyone who ever hurts me forgiveness. We were granted the most amazing forgiveness in a horrific death on a piece of crossed wood.  Your spouse is the person who you made a covenant with that says you will bless them and love them and pardon them just as Christ did for you. 

If you want your marriage to last always admit your wrongdoings and give apology. But with that apology should be a better you who strives to NEVER repeat the hurting cycle.  It takes work and will not automatically come to you.  You must practice self discipline and selflessness.  Never forget that apology without action is pointless.

 Always, always, always offer forgiveness.  If you can do this you can grow together into something so amazing, strong, and beautiful.

For those who have been hurt, deeply, and find the marriage at its end...you still owe it to yourself and your spouse to apologize for the hurt.  Divorce brings such devastation to hearts and souls and you both owe it to each other to apologize and forgive so that you can move forward into a healthier view and hopefully healthier and much happier relationship down the road.

I have enjoyed sharing what I have learned in this series.  Also, I would recommend you picking up Adam Hamilton's Book Love To Stay.  I had planned to do a give away of the book but I decided it deserves a spot on our shelf.  It is a good reference and something that I feel like some of my local friends may want to divulge in at some point.  You can purchase this book by clicking the link below.

Right now Amazon is offering a Free Sample of Love To Stay by Adam Hamilton for Kindle Users. You can also purchase the hard cover book for $11.99 at this site.