Monday Memoirs: Burger King Bump

Picture it:

1990 - very large land yacht Crown Victoria with the plush velvet style interior.  Your grandmother at the wheel.  You in the back seat with your cousin, one year your younger.  Your older cousin the front of the ship with the captain (granny).

It is summer time.  That means you are out of school and forced to go to your grandmothers to play with your cousins a few days a week.  You normally spend the lunch time at the table in the kitchen watching the noon news eating Tony's Frozen Pizzas, hotdogs and salad, or a sandwich of deli meat with lettuce and tomato.

But today your grandma took a wild hair and decided to take you all to get a Whopper.  Prior to Bojangles coming to town the Burger King Whopper was the fast food choice of the old people.  When I say old people you must remember that during this time I was roughly 9 years old.  Anyone over 18 was old.

We sail the ship (Crown Victoria) down the highway and into our little town.  Passing all the patches of forest that today are developed dead and alive strip malls, car dealerships, apartments, fast food eateries, etc.  We turn on to the street that Burger King is on and then we pivot the stern to go into the parking lot.

As we creep up the slight hill we see the playground.  Ahh to eat french fries and play in a ball pit....that's all we want to do!  The ship takes a slight right and then....

BAM

The ship rocks

My grandmother begins to anxiously freak the hell out.  She yells to us:  "I HAVE HIT A CHILD!"

We begin snickering....giggles underwater....slight tremors.

Again she yells as we all sit in stoic ship, "I HAVE HIT A CHILD!"

We laugh some more.

"SHUT UP! I HAVE HIT A CHILD!"

We cannot stop giggling.  She gets out of the captain's spot of the Crown Vic and walks around the car, ever-so-carefully looking for the mangled body of a child who no one else saw that was apparently hit by her land yacht.

There was no child.

She was pissed.  Did she want to hit a child?  Did she want to bitch slap the three in her car? Probably.

So pleasantly she ordered our food in the drive thru.  It was as if there had been no curb to hit....and mistake as a kid.

We weren't allowed to talk the whole way home.

We did enjoy our whoppers.