Having a little girl.

2.21.13 Friday is nearing!  What do I care? HA!

Earlier in the week I posted bout my trying times with my five year old.  We instated the new schedule and it is working extremely well.  It didn't take too long to adapt to this schedule and as long as we don't go lax it should continue to be successful.  Yay!!!

This week has been a turning point for my big blue eyed girl.  Things have came to a head and a new phase has been entered.  It is bringing with it tears, confusion, and the feeling of inadequacy - not just for her but for her mom as well.

I don't feel completely horrible, detestable, or badly equipped for the challenges I have because all week I've been getting notes from God telling me I'm ok and better yet we're ok.  Every email, first tweet of the day I read, and what I have been hearing every time I cut on the television is someone saying -

"You have just what you need to be a good mama. Just keep moving forward and looking up."

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Hypersensitivity - not a fun idea if you really think about it.  Trust me it is not.  I've been doing a lot of research as I prepare for an upcoming doctor's appointment for my little princess.  Since she has been able to communicate effectively with adults she has expressed a huge desire to not be around anything loud - and when I say loud I do not mean cannons bursting or decibles on the heavy metal rock concert sound.  Minor raises in volume - even when she knows they are about to happen - send her into a whirlwind of emotion.  Yesterday this whirlwind hit Kansas tornado speed and she could not be consoled.

I felt bad as her teacher told me what had happened.  The kids were doing a music exercise and wre given balloons and they were going to pop them by stomping or sitting on them.  Sure balloons popping isn't my idea of a fun time but kids generally enjoy such things.  Well....not my kid.  As the balloons began popping she began the freak out of her life.  Holding her ears, sobbing, and asking for it to stop.  It was a culmination of school instruments being clanged and banged and balloons being popped and she was over the limit.

I felt bad because I didn't realize her sensitive ears were making this big of an impact.  If anyone should know shouldn't it be me ---- her mother?

No.  Here is why.  Our house is generally quiet.  Now, yes we have exceptions such as the baby screaming in anger because the bottle is not ready at the exact second his brain says - TIME TO EAT!  On a very rare occassion our dog will bark but he's a shihtzu so um I guess that doesn't count either.  The tv stays below 50 when it is on.  There is just no really loud noise in our home or around our home.

When she got in the car - still crying - I asked her if she was ok and her response was "Mommy sob) the sound (sob sob sob) hurts my (sob sob sob sob) ears."

I didn't know what to do!  I had no clue what to do!  Isn't it ironic how one of the blessings in this life - hearing, the ability to hear other people, animals, cars, trucks, music - can be a curse at times?

So I asked her if she needed some time in quiet to feel ok.  She said yes through the tears.  I asked if I could turn on the radio softly as we drove home.  She was silent.  I waited til we were half way home and slowly turned the volume of the radio up to what I deem "Grandma Level" and with every beat of the drum I heard a little sob in the backseat.

My heart broke.

She went to her room when we got home and pulled her books down and sat on her bed looking at them, wiping the remaining tears away.  After about thirty minutes she was ok.

Then I learned - that was the wrong thing to do.  When a child is hypersensitive to sound you shouldn't take sound away by placing them in quiet - you are just conditioning the auditory response to not grow stronger and drown out certain bothersome sounds.

I never thought I'd be that mom who had some different issue going on with her child.  We'll be going to the doctor to find out what we can do to help this issue to deterioriate.

I'll keep you posted.

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The tears didn't end there.  Another lesson was learned yesterday.  Every one of us females know this lesson.  It generally is taught around age five or six.  It is critical that you learn it so that you can cope throughout life.  I guess it is the first psychology lesson you get as human.

Or maybe sociology lesson?!

Once again I went to pick up my child from her Wednesday night church group.  She loves that group.  I think she wishes every day were either Wednesday or Thursday (dance night).  Every week she is so eager to learn her Bible verse and sing her song and she cannot wait to see Ms. Meta.

Last night was no different!  6:30 PM could not come quick enough. 

I dropped her off - it is amazing to watch the transformation of child as they leave your care and go into another person's care!  There is this amazing cloak that falls over that child that makes them suddenly so angelic and peaceful.  Raise their voices?  Never!  Defy you?  No way!  Always listen?  For the strangers yes.  Always mind their p's and q's?  You know it because they aren't mama!

When I returned to pick her up once again I was greeted with wet cheeks from tear filled eyes and sobs.  "Good grief more loud noise?" is what I thought.

No.  It was....a boy.

A missionary had came to talk to the kids and she just happened to be pregnant.  The children hosted a little "babyshower" for the mommy to be.  As is customary some food was served.  The food - cupcakes.  Pregnant women and children adore cupcakes so it was perfect! 

Little boys like to be little boys and that includes being a little on the gross side with food.  Some little fella beside my little blondie decided to show her what cupcake looks like during stage one of digestion - mastication.  So he opened his mouth up wide and showed her his mushy cupcake.  She told him to quit doing that.  That just egged him on - he is a boy! - and he decided to do the whole tongue stick out, kinda spit thing kids do.  (I could show you but putting it into words is kind of hard)....

Needless to say she took this act of being a little boy as a "He doesn't like me" gesture. 

So in the car we had that age old talk about how boys act.  They don't mean anything malice by it - its just how boys roll.  They think its funny to do gross things and sadly enough many of them continue that pattern of humor way past the tender age of 3, 4, 5 years and on past elementary school as well.  It is just the boy code.

And all you mamas will remember this comment:

If a boy likes you he's going to pick on you.

At five you just do not get it.

I think this is the beginning of the end of those critical years and the beginning of the worldly years.  No more is she covered by the umbrella of mommy and daddy.  Now she is rather wearing a poncho of all the things we've tried to instill in her to prepare and somewhat protect her from what life will rain down on her.

When we got home her daddy did a good job of having a talk to her about how awesome of a girl she is and how boys do gross things.  He also did a great job of lifting her little heart up.  I must admit I teared up at hearing him talk to her - I never had a dad that did that for me.

Oh the lessons we learn when we're the parent.

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Today will be less of a drama infused loud day but a good day.  I can feel it in my bones.  I hope your day or evening is too.

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Until we meet again -

Brownie