5.7.2013
Yesterday the word was out that the secret number to insanity in the family is having three kids. I was not shocked - that is why I stopped at two. I felt the slight drainage of mental capacities after the second one arrived and I knew (in my common sense area of the brain) I could not handle three.
I'm not putting down you three plus mamas. I have some friends who are in that category of having a kid or five. I'm just saying I am not judging you as you get that Rx filled or buy that extra bottle of wine! Go on with your highly fruitful uteruses.
Did you watch Real Housewives of O.C. last night? Lydia's mom is a nut! Around here if you wanted to sprinkle "fairy dust" on a sales associate you may get asked to leave. Celebrating her being pot free for a few months - may want to run a pee pee test on that one! I must say I have a new respect for Heather. She seems like she does do a lot with her kids. I was impressed at the out to dinner with the kids but the kids have to do their homework while they wait on their food. I don't know but that seemed somewhat normal to me. I also feel like her issues with her hubby are very normal too. What ya thinkin'? I was totally unimpressed with Vicki having no backbone to her kids. It comes to a point where you have to put your foot down in your own home. Can I get an Ayyyy Men!? Gretchen - yeah totally lost on that one. I'm not sure what is wrong with her boy toy's son but if he's in ICU then he needs to be at the hospital not in the O.C. planning on making another baby with her. But my friends.....that is the difference between a mom and dad sometimes.....I heard that Oh yeah!
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I get several emails a week from readers. Some are really funny, some are sad, and some are just highly critical. I do read the emails and it is fun to know when you relate to a post. This morning I wasn't prepared for the email I opened from G.H. in Texas. I wanted to keep the blog light and fun this week but I could not ignore so many people who are feeling loss at Mother's Day.
"For the first time when someone asks me what holiday I dislike the most I say Mother's Day. I lost my mom in March to cancer. You cannot imagine how hard it is to heal and in the midst of it all you are bombarded with Mother's Day advertisements, blog posts, magazine articles, television themed shows. It really sucks."
I thought I'll email her back when I have the words.
Then it hit me....
She isn't the only human being in this world who is in a commercialized media focused society who has lost a parent this year, or last year, or experiencing final stages of anything with a parent. I did send her an email and then I wrote this blog.
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Life is interesting isn't it? Your born and the race is on. The race to crawl, walk, run, play sports, make friends, jump from grade to grade, pass tests, drive a car, get a job, go to college, find a job, find a mate, have some kids, raise those kids, retire from that job, be apart of a group, enjoy your grand kids, pick out a casket, and die. We are so much in a race to do things that we cannot seem to slow down at times and enjoy what we have - our blessings. We are so focused on a goal or something other than what is right in front of us that one day we wake up and see that something is missing. Something that was right there with us - that perhaps we just took for granted - is vanished. Then we are mad. Angry at the universe which leads to jealousy or envy over others having what we are now missing. What we took for granted.
Sometimes we're so out of touch with the possible that we deem it impossible. We are all to live in a fairy tale perfect life. We are all to take dance class and be baseball pitchers who have mamas who bring the team fantastic snacks and supply the best end-of-year party at our schools that we cannot imagine it being different.
We will laugh at our moms and say cold words because we know they will brush them off and keep chugging on. We don't expect any different. We shouldn't - we live the untouchable life.
We will move away and live the high life only to find ourselves in that moment when we are sitting with our heads on our laps crying wishing she was there to comfort us. Just knowing that she would do that will keep us moving on.
Work may tear us to shreds but she will call to check on us and annoyingly we will sigh - secretly thankful she called. Secretly, feeling better when we hang up.
She will cry when we try on that white dress for the first time. She will be strong as we say I do. She will drink a very large glass of wine when it is all said and done.
Then the day may come that you may have a baby of your own and as you are scared and wondering how bad it will hurt and how long it will last - you'll see her and realize it is doable and you will walk away from it unharmed with a bundle of joy. To that bundle you will be her.
That's what is destined to us all in our dream lands - in our fantasies - and in our human thought processes.
Sometimes there is another plan. Sometimes our lives deviate from the conditioned norm we have in our brains. Sometimes we have to accept that our experience will be different.
Sometimes we only get her for a little while and she has to go away. Physically she returns to what she was formed out of. She may not have a chance to zip that prom dress for us, hug us when we walk in the door on a random weekend home with a trunk of laundry. She may not physically be there to see that veil over our eyes as we walk down an aisle. When our boss speaks unkindly - we can't pick up the phone to get our number one cheerleader to pull us up and threaten to come down there. When the baby is born she's not there physically to hug us and wipe those tears.
It is so critical that we accept this: just because you cannot see her anymore does not mean she is not by your side every step of the way in this world.
Those lessons she taught you while she was here are still with you and have made you who you are. She lives in those lessons.
Those funny moments that you were given with her are never going to stop the laughter she imprinted on your heart. She lives in those laughs and smiles.
Those hands that wiped your bottom, nose, hair from your face, and tears are now in your own hands - and if you pay the slightest bit of attention you will feel her skin on yours as you wipe those tears you shed this week away. She lives in those hands.
Your mom may physically be off this planet but spiritually she's joining you in each day you walk this earth. She's the favorite book from your childhood the smell that you occasionally catch that you swear is her perfume and it causes you to turn in the direction of the scent with a slight hope you see her smiling at you. She was never taken away from your heart.
She is with you - always and forever - until you are physically reunited once more.
Mamas don't leave their babies - ever.
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I challenge you to celebrate your mothers this week. Whether it is in the kitchen making her recipes, reading her favorite book, going to her favorite restaurant....do something that brings her back into the forefront of your mind this week in a positive way. If she's still with you physically invite her along.
If you're dealing with a rough Mother's Day try writing her a letter and spilling it all on that paper or on that screen (trust me, it will cleanse your heart).
I hate to tell anyone to visit a grave. I feel like that is just a sad place - to stand at a piece of cold granite and look at those engraved words but sometimes it has a true healing ability for us. If you go take her favorite color of her favorite flower.
Whatever you do - do not wallow in your loss but accept that though she cannot pick up the phone and call you at an inopportune time (it happened/happens) she is always a whisper, shout, and prayer away.
In closing today, one thing all good mamas want for their kids is for them to be smiling, happy and living this life to the fullest. Maybe that's the best advice I can give you - live it up for your mom, when her kids are happy she is happy.
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You are loved -
Brownie
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