YOU DID WHAT?

2.10.13  Mommy's Morning Getaway Day!
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So I did it.

Something had been on my mind for a while and I went ahead just did it.

My gracious the responses I got from pulling the plug.

My experience without Facebook:  The first 36 hours.

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I have learned so much about our pop culture and societal "norms" in the last 36 hours than I ever could have imagined I would have by doing something so simple.

Here's the back story and the front story. 

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A long time ago before the 2000's hit the teens, I joined an up and coming social network for other college kids like me.  In order to join you had to have a school email - meaning .edu on the end.

It was ok at first and then it became pretty fun.  Where would we be headed out to on that random Tuesday night?  Check FB to see what is going on.  What is up in the Boro on a random Thursday night?  Check FB!  What are my Raleighwood buddies into?  Check FB!  Is she really dating him now?  Check FB!  Did she seriously pledge that soro?  Check FB!

Then Facebook became open to people who weren't with an .edu email address.  Suddenly, I'm getting friend requests from people I haven't seen since third grade.  Oh well that's ok lets see what they are doing.

Eventually the day came that your great aunt, mom, and second grade teacher befriended you.

As you got a little older your friend lists may have changed a bit.  From "PARTY AT FH TONIGHT" to "Got my first job!  Going to celebrate at Olde Bar!" to "He put a ring on it!" and then came the photos of new homes, new dogs, new recipes, a growing belly, a new baby.  There were also times of sorrow mixed in - "my dad has cancer please pray"  "please refrain from commenting and posting on this page there was no heart beat at our last appointment"......

It started with the games for me.  I never did but a few Words With Friends and a couple SongPop (awesomest game ever people).  The constant invitations were annoying.  The constant feeds were annoying.  I would block them out and they would still pop up.  Yes it was a small annoyance but the little things all roll into a ball called the big thing.

Then came a privacy issue here and there.  When I put restrictions and blocks and thought I was controlling my FB privacy I always knew I probably had no control at all when it came down to the nitty gritty.  Advertising, Big Brother, and everything else that wants to see you are going to see you no matter what blocks you put up.

Next was the biggest revelation or epiphany - Facebook was eating my time and salt.   I would get up and fix coffee only to wait on the coffee by scanning the posts.  Most of it was stuff I didn't care about but I did enjoy all the fun pictures of friends and their kids.  It would be waiting for the coffee to brew that I'd pull it up.  Then waiting for my kid to be done at school.  Then while eating lunch I'd browse it.  At lunch with my husband - we were both on our phones looking at it.  It was slowly sucking the life out of the posters and commentors and my cell phone and.....well it was sucking the true social life out of me.

I decided a few weeks ago it had to stop.  The it being me.  I was giving five minutes here and there that I could be using to do something that was actually fun or made me use my brain.

I took a FB free weekend - best thing ever. 

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There are some issues with our culture.  Personal feeling here:  Facebook has made those socia issues much greater.  The biggest issue is - gossip!  Let me admit I'm a sinner I like gossip.  Facebook makes it too easy though.  A lot of people post some very intimate stuff on there and I'm not sure why - but I have ideas (attention, drama, self loathing).  If I get brutally honest - I don't want to see the drama or hear the "woe is me" or fall into their pit for attention.

I am lucky and blessed to say that my marriage is good, my kids are healthy, my house is steady, my bank account sucks, my friends are beautiful, my family is fine.  If I need a confidence boost I seriously do not want to be able to point and click and see your personal struggle to say - well I'm good to go or at least I'm not them.

If your heart is bleeding and you need to confide in someone - find someone - not 1200 people you do not know or 1200 people you think give a rat's long tail - to talk to.

Another issue:  we are losing connections - true human connections.  Computers are great but kids need to know how to carry on real live face to face conversations and now adults need to re learn those skills. It is also time we start using these hands to hold pens and pencils. (I believe your postal service would appreciate it too).  Facebook is helping slowly strip away those bare bones basics of interpersonal skills. (So is Twitter and text, I know!)

Can you imagine our world in another twenty to thirty years when these kids who think that text lingo is proper is English?  What about when they need to be in a face to face meeting but decide Face Time is the way to do it because they aren't comfortable being in the same room as another person.  Face it people this is a real issue. 

The last issue for now:  Modesty. I saw that picture you put up in your birthday suit.  It looks like Playboy won't be calling but your mama will. I started seeing some stuff I didn't want to.  If I did I'd go visit that club where you take your own alcohol in.  I also don't want to see a mother posting pictures of herself getting trashed with half of her clothes on.  People disrepect themselves - let them do that in private I don't want to see it at all.

I guess I am a prude.  I heard Taylor Swift is one too - I'm just connecting with my twenty something, tall blonde billowy self people....ha!

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When I posted I was deleting my account the whole reason behind the deletion came up on the screen.  Someone I was FB friends with - who I went to high school with but have not actually had a conversation with in probably 15 years - commented GOOD RIDDANCE!  And made some other snide remarks.  This guy had never sent a message or commented on any post I had had since Facebook allowed non .edu addresses to sign up (he didn't go to college but that's beside the point), I never once saw a post of his in nearly 10 years of having an account, and all of a sudden he's on my post shooting little word bullets at me. <ping ping ping>  After I privately asked what was up he said he was just joking around. 

So that brought up another point.  It is easy to add a friend and accept a friend request but is it someone you really care to connect with?  Seriously, think about it.  Is it someone you really want to strike up an old b.s. session with?  If its not then why do you say sure I'll be your friend -when you have no plans on ever talking to or posting with that person?  Its because your nosey? 

I just don't want to be apart of that anymore.

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I decided to go ahead and pull the Facebook plug.  It was very easy - "Deactivate the account".

I then let my closer FB friends know in a mass text that I wasn't on but they could email or text or call me.

My phone lit up like a Christmas tree.

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YOU DID WHAT?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OMG!
THIS IS TEMPORARY RIGHT?
YOU'RE BRAVE!
But, why?

We'll take these one by one:

You did what?
Well I am not on Facebook anymore.  I deactivated my account.

Are you kidding me?
No.  Go look for me, I'm not there.

OMG!
Oh my God - what?

This is temporary right?
No,I think I may stick with it.  But I am human I may decide later I need to go back....24 hours out I'm good though.

You're brave!
Really?  Explain.  I mean did I secretly give up my American citizenship by disconnecting from the Book de Face?

But why?
Read this blog post mom.

I think all those responses were warranted by this: in our lingo Facebook and Internet have became synonomous.

Guess what - OMG they are not.

I still use the internet, I have not switched over to Amish (not yet...just kidding).  Hello, you are reading this blog!

I still Instagram and Pinterest (when I remember its around) and I still tweet, I just don't do the big blue and white F.

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You're going backwards.

I heard that.  I heard a good stance on how the here and now and the future are all FB-esque communication.  Well if that's the case I'm just going to stick it out in my lone boat (probably a canoe from back in the days before motors, Amish remember?)

I think, however, I am going forward. 

But what if you need it for your kids?

Are phones going away any time soon and no one cared to inform me via Facebook before I left?  I think we'll be ok. 

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So here we go beginning the next 24 without the biggest social network of its time.  I think I'll be ok.

Some of my blog readers may be left behind because they were relying on my FB posts of the blog being up.  Feel free to share this on your FB page if you want.  If not that's cool too.

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Until we meet again via the internet and not FB -


Brownie

Disclaimer:  This is just my ponderings on Social Media and not anyone else's.  I'm not bashing the FB it is just not my choice anymore for connecting.  Thanks guys!