Finding The Season

A Charlie Brown Christmas Charles Shulz

No, it doesn't feel like Christmas.  

There's the lack of all things that make me think Christmas right now.  

I know what the calendar says and I know I'm strategically moving an elf around in the evenings.  I see my daughter's letter to Santa.  I listen to the carols of the season.

But this isn't that festive time of year I am accustomed to.

As this season drew nearer I found myself feeling different.

Christmas became a scary part of the year.  I began to doubt my abilities for making it a great and memorable, for good reasons, time for my children.

I lost any care for Thanksgiving and the Holiday Season.  

I never gave up I just was discouraged and worried and upset.

Then something happened.

Something that made me see the good side of the human spirit.

Something that showed me I'm not by myself in this time of chaos.

I'm surrounded by human love and brotherhood.

In a year when I have lost all hope in so many areas, when I became a cynic over insurance, law, and authority.  When I was ready to give up and maybe do things differently something happens to change my feelings.

This season that we've began....Christmas, Advent, the holidays has taken on a different appearance for me.

Where before it was about shopping trips, nicely wrapped gifts, and making sure the bows were straight - now its more of seeing the good in all people.

It's less of me and us and more of spreading light and smiling even when you feel defeated.

Christmas is understanding my kids don't need a whole catalog of toys or clothes or useless crap they'll be done with in a week.

Christmas is sitting still and seeing all the glory and goodness being poured out in small cups on us each day.

On Tuesday, I went to get the mail and thought I had received my first Christmas card for the season.  I always read the envelope so I know who its from - I guess I'm not one for surprises.  NO return address and even my address was technically undeliverable.

It had my name and my husband's name scrawled in what is inevitably an older woman's writing.

Inside was a note that said - 

I'm praying for you daily.

I felt my heart swell.

Immediately, I went to look at the other side of the card for a name - but it wasn't there.

NO name

NO return address

NO proper address for the mailman to really be able to deliver it.

But it had ran through the USPS system - the stamp had the postmark through it.

God knows us inside and out.  He knows every strand of hair on our head and ever pore of our body.  He knows our joys and pains.  He knows how He made us. 

He even knows how to fill our soul when we're having a day that feels like our tanks have hit the infamous E.  

I don't know who sent that card and may never ever know but what they did was refill my Christmas spirit cup and refill my tank all the way to F.

I appreciate this time of year, I appreciate the human heart, I appreciate all my gifts.

I hope and pray you do too.

Merry Christmas.