Attention Moms to Be & Newbies!

Tis normal in the heat of July to let the kidlets run around barefoot with tank tops and shorts on.  Boys tend to be shirtless and on occasion a little girl will do the same because it is just so dang hot. 

The baby can get away with swimming naked (after he's had his lunch and had his nasty diaper of the day) and then remaining naked or being diaper clad is perfectly normal.  The last person on earth you want over heating is a baby....and an old person.

It is on target that most days the baby goes down for his afternoon nap in his Pamper, Luvs, or Huggie (whatever was on sale at the store and I had a coupon for is the brand he sports).  He goes down with some tears and then sixty seconds later he's snoozing away.  He normally wakes up to babbling and cooing and throwing his elephants around this crib.

However, the other day there was a slight change in those wake up plans.

All new mamas need to know that what I am about to write - though appalling - is normal and to be expected at least one to two times in babyhood.  It is just part of the whole we're pretty much just intelligent animals idea.  However, intelligence is questioned when this topic is brought up.  It does not require a call to poison control or a drive to the children's hospital or for the mother to lock herself in a closet and wonder where she went wrong.

I was in the kitchen freezing some beans.  In case you aren't familiar with freezing beans it is a timed process.  Three minutes to blanch, seven minutes in ice water, and then the removal of excess water and then the bagging process.  I heard my little baboo upstairs chatting.  I decided to buy some time and let him chat away while I worked on the beans.

When the seven minute ice bath time rolled around I decided that was the perfect time to snatch up said baby and bring him down to watch some Sprout with the princess.

Up the stairs....
Into the nursery....
Stopping at the door.....
Oh my God!
DISGUSTING!

I'm shouting at the older kid to bring up some towels (some wet some dry).  She's blond so naturally I had to give her explicit directions.  They didn't work so I asked her to come up and I'd come down.

Up the stairs she comes....
Into the nursery....
Stopping at my side....
MOMMY HE'S EATING POO!

I'm trying to remove all fecal matter from around him so I can run down stairs and cut on the tub.  "I know babe just talk to him while I run this down and get the water turned on...."

Thirty seconds later:

MOMMY HE'S STILL EATING POO!

Where has this varmint hoarded this crap?  I just got it all up....he's got some mad skills inherited from his great grandma obviously.

The water is on, I run up with towels and scoop up the human manure maker (and eater) and take him to the water.....he knows something isn't quite right.  He sits in the tub and looks at me with the most precious, dare I say it, shit eating grin.  He just sits still as I wash his little body and face.  It is almost like he has one up on me and I'm the one who was doing something gross.  You know that look of - "Yeah mom I got ya" - oh no is he a con man in training?

"Mommy is going to clean your mouth with Listerine!  You are so nasty."

He giggles.

Cheerios may not be poo but they get my and my mom's approval for ok things to eat!
 

I had thought that if he had on more than a diaper this wouldn't have happened.  Let's be frank though if you want something you're going to get it and a onesie would not have stopped him from digging into the chocolate booty bank.

All animals eat their feces if given the chance.  Isn't that delightful?  Chickens love some poop, dogs eat other dogs waste, pigs will even go to town on some poop if they so desire.  Humans are no different.  Though if you are over a 18 months old and doing it you may need an immediate psychological evaluation.

So to all the new mamas out there about to embark on motherhood - yes, your baby is cute and sweet and amazing but your day is coming to experience the grossest of the gross.  Vomit on your chest, poop in your angel's mouth, booger eating fests, butt scratching and then reaching in the chip bag....yes it is all coming to you and it will hit at an amazingly fast speed.

xx
Brownie