When Xanax Doesn't Work

4.12.13

Last night we were all made aware that yes, indeed Sping is here!  Lightning, thunder, pouring rains, scared dogs.....
Everyone knows I have three kids.  My five year old princess, my seven month old boy, and my nearly ten year old shihtzu.  (The bichens do not count as my children, just my friends.)
No, I'm not some weirdo who thinks my dog is human.  He's only a quarter human.
I don't put clothes on him.  I have enough humans to put clothes on.
He doesn't have his own room - every room is his room.

I do, however, have lengthy discussions about various topics with him.  I describe how to do things to him.  We watch Real Housewives together (though, like a man, he sleeps through it). 

Mr. Bert was a rescue.  He had been tossed out and when we found him he had super long, matted, knotted, nasty hair.  Extra sharp talons (which are ok for birds of prey but not Tibetan monk dogs).  He had ferocious breath thanks to a mouth of rotten teeth.  On his head was a huge tumor-esque bulge (about the size of Bubba Watson's golf balls).  He was scared of everything but.....us.  I brought him home, cut his hair off and took him to the vet.  He was chipped but the info on the chip was all dead ends and good for ten states away.  I made all attempts to get the owner to take their animal back.  Then the vet said, "You're his owner now."

This dog has been a source of total joy and total sorrow.

He's gentle and easy going and mainly sleeps 23 of 24 hours a day.  Until recently he wasn't too fond of his five year old blonde housemate.  He adores the baby.  He has seizures every now and then.  It takes him six minutes to take a leak because he's old and his urine stream is weak (if you are a human reading this and you just said "me too" under your breath quit reading and take your messed up peepee stream to the doctor).  He hates dog food and wants a seat at the table.  He loves to snuggle.

He also hates weather.

Since he's a shihtzu (at advanced age) he really cannot tolerate humidity - at all. (Welcome to North by God Carolina Bertie) -  First off, he's not really built for it.  His nose is mushed into his face so it cannot adequately cool his oxygen.  Second, he's got the worst allergies!  Only Pugs could sound more disgusting as they hock up yet another ball of slime.  He gets a little benadryl for his allergies but it doesn't effect him at all.  It doesn't force him comatose and it doesn't totally clear up his breathing.  I guess I am medicating myself through medicating him.  After you hear him cough up another mucous ball for the fifteenth time it begins to ware on you a tad bit.  You're also generally walking around with an arsenal of Lysol wipes in the event he can get an irritant up - yeah the benadryl should be way more effective than it is!

The cold is his friend but not for long because he wants the comfy 70 degrees of home.

Bertie's biggest nemesis is thunderstorms.

He cannot understand what the hell is going on.  All he hears:  loud crashes - all he sees: flashes of bright white across the sky. 

He knows they are coming twenty minutes before they arrive.  Super Dopplar Bertie starts shaking like a leaf and won't move from whatever spot he is at.  Unless it is to follow me, his human mom.  When the thunder starts he begins to wander about the house like he's trying to find the culprit of the sound.  As soon as lightning cracks or thunder booms he's barking and running to be between my husband and I.  This is when I am thankful he is a shihtzu and not a wolfhound or Marmaduke.  Or really anything over thirteen pounds.

It isn't just thunder and lightning that scare him - hard rain does too.  He can hear rain pounding down and BOOM he's in fight or flight mode.  Well....for Bertie he's hung between fight or flight.

We tried giving him some medicine to calm him down but it doesn't work.  Thundershirt was a novel idea and it worked for a while but faded.  Rubbing him down with a dryer sheet did nothing. 

In human years Bertie is 70. OK almost 70.  I think Bertie just may need a drink. God knows after being up with him all last night while my 7 1/2 month old slept soundly - mama needs a drink, preferably a tequila drink and I'm willing to share it with my loyal companion.

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It is the weekend!  (Happy birthday weekend, Jennifer!)

I have been looking forward to this weekend for a while.  You'll see why on Monday/Tuesday.

I hope you guys have a safe and happy one.  I hear the weather is going to be pretty and comfy and springy - unlike the summer stuff we have had recently (that I adore). 

If you're not sure what to have for dinner here's what we did the other night:

I'll call this:  Hot n Bothered Chicken

Step one:  Make some "homemade" ranch a couple hours prior to grilling.  I use Hidden Valley packets and I use Duke's Light Mayonnaise instead of regular full fat mayo.

Step two:  Make an easy yummy "homemade" side:

C's Baked Beans

Pick up a can of Bush's traditional baked beans
Add in four strips of bacon, 1/4 c of ketchup, 1/4c BBQ sauce, diced onion.

Put it all in a baking dish and bake it at 350 for 45 minutes

Grill up some chicken but add some flavor to it by dousing it in Texas Pete & seasoning it with Weber's Kickin' Chickin' (found in the spice section of your grocery store).

Put it all together with a beer and you got one heck of a weekend feast.


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Rock out this weekend ya'll!


Brownie

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