I'm back (I think)

4.2.13 - Lookee there it is a new month.

Contrary to popular belief I did not get lost in the folds of March.  I did, however, get lost in the chaos that is a holiday weekend/start of spring break/having everyone home for three consecutive days.  That alone is enough to knock you off your rocker for a little while.

I guess you don't care to read my days four and five of celebrating Easter with young children.

It's ok - Easter came and went and that is A-OK.  Now if the spring would come on over/come on in (thanks Shania) I'd be a much happier camper than I am currently seeming to you. 

Yesterday was awesome - seventy degrees and my hands in the dirt while my neon white legs reflected the sunlight and blinded passerbys.  I wore shorts, tshirt and flip flops.  I removed all the ugly pine needles from my flower beds in the front, I unearthed a snake in its toddler period.  My little diva stood strong right by me gardening away.  It was a pristine April day!

Today is sixty something and pretty as a picture.  Now I am in a mental fog because I have spent over four hours with my demented grandmother (don't worry its a medical condition not really an adjective), my mother, and my infant and five year old.  I need a stiffer than stiff drink but I cannot find the damn bartender.

Since I haven't been blogging I've been mentally list making things to share with you.  You know, for when I decided "hey I have a nanosecond to hop on and blog" - here they are:

1.  I like my kid being at home.  I'm not happy with the preschool choice we made this year.  For the past few months - or rather after I figured out their schedule of being more like a mini daycare than a preschool - I have felt pure stomach upset as I a) write out the check for tuition each month and b) drop her off in the mornings.  Don't get me wrong there are some advantages and they do outweigh the checkbook.  She has now had a chance to meet and make friends with other children who will be at her elementary school.  She gets a three hour break from me and her baby brother and her house.  I get a three hour break from two kids and the constant questioning of everything that sits upon this planet and any other heavenly body in the great abyss.  However, I get a huge advantage when my girl is home with us.  It seems like our house runs a bit smoother - the infant gets real naps, she and I get better one on one time, we get things done together and seperate.  I am now looking forward to summer.  With all that said don't even think I would be one to homeschool.  I'm not that crazy. (Damn did Brownie step on toes, just ignore it and move on.)

2.  I appreciate my husband having holidays.  My darling hubby only gets a few holidays a year.  Luckily, Easter is observed at his work Good Friday/Saturday/Easter.  I got three days with my man being home with me.  Just because he's home doesn't mean we're all up in each other's space.  I have to stress that.  He worked on a project all weekend (rennovating our little "workshop") but he was only a few steps away if I needed to get a break from kid land or send a kid out to be with him or just look out the window and say - ahhh he's here.  I know a lot of people could care less if they're spouses had time at home for long weekends and some say they love it but go on their merry way.  I seriously appreciate it and enjoy it even if we are toying at our own seperate projects in the same vicinity.

3.  I need to be a cheerleader for my grandma.  I have mentioned my grandma several times in posts.  She's got the ole timers.  <eye roll>  Poor woman is as dingy as a bell but she cannot help it.  She is battling Alzheimer's.  This year it is really getting worse.  Part of the human condition is the need to see the beauty even in the scary.  Alzheimer's scares the $@(T out of me.  It is uglier than you can imagine.  Her brain is slowly deterioriating.  How in the hell that is a South Georgia summer can you ever see beauty it in?  I'm starting to figure that out.  Thursday I took her for her weekly hair appointment - she had called and cancelled it because in her mind she had no ride.  My aunt worked that out and I picked her up.  As we drove through our small town we saw the regular "monuments" that have made this place this place for fifty plus years.  To her....it was all new.  I'm beginning to think that is the beauty in the scary - seeing things as new and fresh.  Sure memories were probably formed at many of those places but those memories are banished and now she is on a roller coaster that will only let her form new memories that will not last.  New impressions that will not ever leave an indention.  On Thursday, for the first time, I didn't let her disease drive me nuts.  I let everything be new to me too and when it became a little far fetched for those of us whose brains haven't turned on us I just went along with it.  For example:  she asked me if I went to my uncle's wedding (he's been married over forty years and I am not but thirty-one) you better believe I went!  It was a crazy good time.  When we drove my restaraunts she had ate at a blue million times but has no recollection of it I said - no, I haven't been there either we should try it one day.  Don't get me wrong, it is harder than hard to not get worn out by her strange comments and questions and changes in emotion - I had had my fill today over an ice cream cone - but I'm starting to understand.....each day should be a new experience and an opportunity taken because today wasn't promised to any one of us.  Maybe the beauty of the scary is that she's living out by disease what we are supposed to live out by choice.

4.  I need dirt.  Like a baby needs a mama, like a sock needs a foot, like my veins need coffee - I need dirt.  I need lots of dirt.  Dirt makes me happy.  Digging, hoeing, planting, I need dirt.  Dirt makes me cosmically happy.

5.  I'm going to miss The Bible series.  For a month we sat on the couch together every Sunday night and watched the series.  Now it is over.  What will we watch on Sundays now?  Bravo?  No.  I have no clue. 

6.  If I don't go to the gym during the week it is going to be a bad day.  I think I have officially hit addiction status on working out M-F.  If I miss, it really screws my life up.  I imagine this is what a coke head feels like or a meth freak.  I'm not sure but I imagine. If I miss my hour of sweating I am just totally not a person you want to know.  Let that serve as a warning.

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Must share:  On the way home my mom was picking on my grandma and said:

It's all about you isn't it.

To which my grandma said - "No its all about you because I want to be a teenager and you don't."

Classic. (I think she was serious!)

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Be good to each other chickens -


Brownie

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