One year ago today

2.23.13 How is it I remember this day.

One year ago today I was:

Lying in bed, shaking, scared, crying

I was begging God with each breath I took that I wasn't experiencing what the ER doc had told me I was the night before.

I was trying to give God some deals.  If you do this I'll do this.  Something I learned that God doesn't really give too much credit for (thank goodness - because today I cannot tell you what deals I offered up).

One year ago today I was afraid to move my body.  If I made one wrong move it would be my fault that what had been growing would immediately stop and I would be to blame.

One year ago today in some odd way I was bracing myself the impact so many women feel every day.

I did not get up and get dressed that day.

I stayed down and cried like I have never cried before.

Every bathroom trip I felt I was looking down the barrel of a gun.

Every walk to get water I felt like my body may just give out and down I would go.

"Please God I cannot handle this."

It would take a car ride from my mother with my husband (a scared mess as well) in the backseat at 2pm to take me to see God does promise to take care of us and those promises he keeps though he may have to let us suffer through some of the battles for a little while.

A reassuring doctor
A cold table
A mini tv screen

A baby - who 18 hours before I was told was dying - was thriving.

My anatomy had made for some problems but the baby was just fine.

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And now that baby is upstairs reminding me now is when he'd like his morning bottle.

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I know I was spared a horrific event that so many other women go through - some numerous times.  I do not know why - I know my pleading didn't weigh on the Universe's decision to allow this baby to not be lost at 13.5 weeks gestation. 

But I do count my blessings.

Maybe you should try it too.

You don't count your chickens before they hatch - some never break the shell.  But you do count your blessings every day and as your mama or grandmama or daddy taught you - always say thank you.

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Happy Saturday.

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Until we meet again-


Brownie