The question I'm not asking.

Ahhh August.  Here you are with your fury of forcing pennies out of our bank accounts for such craziness as pencils, paper, pens, sneakers, air conditioning, ice cream, and admission to water parks. August, you also toy with so many minds.  Your friend May, and the other, June, gave us our children back and let the teachers have that daily 8 hour break for a couple months.  So here we are, August - two months later.

I have heard it a few times in the past couple of weeks.  The question that the physically/emotionally worn out, out of ideas, budget broken mamas ask under their breath -  

Is it time for school to start back yet?

If you like this then go check out where I found it at:  Iron & Twine Back To School Party

And here is the weird part:  I'm not asking it.  What is wrong with me?  Seriously, I'm questioning who invades my body when I'm not looking and thinks for me.  Years past I have been the one asking if that was the microwave beeping or the school bell I heard.  Now I'm quite a bit removed from that end of summer burning question.

Before you start thinking I'm rum drunk and in a lovey dovey mood you need to know - I am not. I will glady admit to being tired, over breaking of fights, and frustrated with the fact that Frozen is on replay in my living room - yes Frozen in 2016.  I find myself begging for some "me time" to unwind.  

Ready for the clinically insane part?  When I get that "me time" to unwind (a.k.a. mop the floors without children around or pass out to The Golden Girls) I realize something about myself:  I have bad wind down techniques AND....

I don't like the idea of school starting back.  I like having my misfits with me for the majority of the time.  And it is all because I'm realizing how fast a soon to be nine year old turns into an eighteen year old.  I have a very good perception of how fast a nearly four year old will be turning twenty-one.  You think you have all the time in the world and stages and phases last a while but they don't last any longer than two blinks.

This summer I've noticed more things around me.  This little map dot I live in has changed drastically in thirty-four years.  I remember when strip malls were forests.  The fun things I had to do as a kid are gone with the wind.  Everything is full speed ahead, too much money, and overrated by any and all means of the imagination.

I hate it.  I despise it even.

When I have my kids here with me we do things old school.  We pick berries, we sit in the yard and paint pictures, we walk around in the woods, we read, we swim, we go to the river.  We move at a slower pace and I appreciate it.  They may not stay this age or be in this stage of wonderment for long but for right now I can take the "fast" out of fast paced and just enjoy this moment.

This summer I have actually been able to take notice of people around me.  I'm not having to put 200% of my attention on the kids because they're not two years old anymore, whew! The people I am seeing are the ones who I clearly remember being my kids' ages.  Now they are graduates of high school and some college!  I'm scratching my head trying to figure out how they got to graduate at ten years old - because over here in my world they aren't 18, 19, 22 years old.  They are still 8, 9, 12 years old.  When did they grow into young adults?  How did those years go by so quickly?

And I'm thinking about their mamas and their daddies...

When summer rolls around are they thinking back to these summers I have right now?  With a preschooler and a soon to be third grader?  Are they remembering trips to the pool, making home made ice cream?  Do they miss a summer sleepover?  Is there a secret wish to cuddle up on the couch when a storm rolls in and watch a movie only to realize both those babies are conked out and snoring on either side of you?

I'm seeing young adults that should be little kids in my mind. I love how wonderful they have each became.  But I am also seeing the moms and dads who raised them up and my heart is breaking a little seeing them in their new role of parent to a practically grown kid.  I turned around for five minutes and their littles became bigs.  Now I'm who they were ten years ago and I feel like it is best for me to stand in concrete right now and savor this second by second life.

So no, y'all.  I am currently not asking if it is time for school to start back.  I may have posts coming up on back to school ideas and advice but there is not one ounce of longing in this mom's heart for school buses to be rolling or a kid or two to jump out of the backseat and walk in those doors for another year of rapid growth socially, physically, cognitively.   

I'm just fine with sleeping in, arguments over headphones, and popcicle smears all over our faces right now.

xoxoxox

Amanda