Thursday Thought: Growing Up @ 33

As you get older, and by older I mean into your 30's, you come to see that growing up is indeed tedious.

This week I have been witness to two things that make getting a little older a little more rough.

On Monday, while walking into school, I went to hold my daughter's hand at the crosswalk.  She pulled away and shook her head no.  She wasn't angry at me she was just not about holding her mom's hand anymore.

She's getting older.  She doesn't want anyone to see her hold her mom's hand.  Independent, first born, female = Do not hold my hand, mother.



In turn, that makes me older.  I have a daughter who isn't a little bitty girl anymore. She now knows to stop, wait, and when it is safe - to cross.  Good job, mom!  You taught her that!  Right?

I blew it off and together we waited until the right time to cross.

Later I thought about that five second event.  My instinct to take her hand and keep her safe will always be there.  It may not seem cool or the thing to do in her mind but little does she know: I will always be there to try to make every situation safe for her.

Does that sting? Oh heck yeah it stings.  I have a child who is growing and becoming a boundary tester! It is part of life and part of growing up.  I must accept it and hold closely to the things she does still let me do.  You know those little moments like brushing her hair and putting it up, stories we read together, the lunches I make for her.

But I will miss that little hand in mine.  I know that hand like I know my own.

Now I will be the arm grabber...until she swats that off and stomps away.

The second realization of growing up for me this week is loss.

A few days ago a dear lady that was my supervisor passed away at the age of 56.  She had been battling cervical cancer for months.  The angel armies carried her out of battle and to peace on the 15th.  We don't always get supers we enjoy but man did I enjoy Vivian.  We laughed a lot while she was my boss-lady.  She made my shifts easier and so much more enjoyable.  Every time we worked together we had fun conversations about her passions - her children and grandchildren.  Yes, she was the grandma who bombarded you with pictures of the grandbabies.  I didn't mind it because I was a mama myself.

We shared recipes and she often showed me her crafty side with different things she would be making on her days off.  Vivian was fun and vibrant.  She could take a sour situation and make it sweet.  That is a skill so many people lack and is to be envied.

The day of the big lay off, when I was six months pregnant, she cried first. As I gathered my things to walk out with the others of us there was Vivian...bawling.  That day she gave me a hug I swear I still can feel.

We would run into each other at Walmart and chat and laugh in the months to follow.  She read my blog on the regular and would Facebook message me if a post resonated with her.

She was fifty-six, guys.



Part of growing up is accepting loss. Yes, some of us lose important people and classmates at early ages but that isn't the typical norm for the vast majority of us.  As you get older the increase in losing friends, coworkers, and eventually family members is more commonplace and always difficult to accept.

It leaves you standing in the kitchen, stomping your feet and saying, "No, no, no, no," like the seven year old you are sure you were just a few moments ago.

Sure, junior high was tough and high school had its inevitable hardships; the real growing up that hits when the babies aren't babies anymore and the friends and family are aging and battling things that you cannot fathom just may be hardest growing pain we face.

I cannot sit here and type this wishing that none of these difficult moments didn't happen.  That would mean that my life would be over and I am not ready for that.  I can let these growing pains teach me to relish every second of every sad, bad, quiet, and fabulous moment I am gifted.  I can give thanks for every memory made and the ones yet to come.

These are the moments that will make me the grown up I will one day become.



#loveyourbabies
#parenthoodishard
#endcancer
#endalz
#lovelife