They day I nearly (didn't) die

I think.....I tried to teach my son a lesson of loving animals and it backfired



You know when you are a kid you generally have an animal that you just love.  Alright, maybe not every kid but every kid I know loves some animal.  

I loved and still love i think turtles.

I remember going to look for them across the road from the log house I grew up in.  I remember catching them and waiting for them to come out of their shell.  I also remember a beach trip where I pulled my car over to help a quite large turtle get across I-40.

Then there was that time that we (in college) went out at dark to ponds and rivers and watched stupid boys catch snapping turtles.

Those things are huge and scary and can easily take your hand off.

I wasn't impressed but I was scared.

Fast forward a good 12 years and you'll find me driving along.  My two year old is in the back and there are cars coming and going as we make our way home.

Then I see it....

Ok not that tiny.  

I see a turtle trying to make its way across the road.

Look, turtles are important to our ecosystem and they work as indicator species.  We cannot let them get ran over, ok?

So I told my son to hold on and I whipped my car around.

I shot on my hazards and grabbed this turtle (about the size of a dinner plate).  I tossed it in the passenger seat and thought, I'll let him go at my house.

You know the cool thing about turtles is this....

They stay in their shell until they feel safe.

Wouldn't you know the turtle I just happened to pick up wasn't going to be that way?

Oh no.

NO, this is not the guy I saved but this will be him within the season.

I looked at the shell and immediately I realized I had saved a hell creature.  Forget that important to the ecosystem crap I said before.  I had Satan in the passenger seat.

He stuck his jurassic head out and then came the big huge nails.  The thing literally leapt to the floorboard of the passenger seat.  I panicked.

You know they are meat eaters right?  

I'm trying to be calm and drive home as fast as possible.

The devil turtle begins going all over the floorboard.  Then the hissing started.

Have you heard them hiss?  

Not a happy sound.

Not cute, not cuddly.  Why didn't they get wiped out with their best friend Mr. Dinosaur?

I decide my job is to scare this beast so that I can get him back in his shell and then get him out of my car.  I tell my two year old son we need to scream.  I make it a game.  Wouldn't you know the one time you tell your kid to scream they look at you like you speak a dead language?

So I screamed and yelled and hollered.  And the turtle could have cared less because it kept hissing and trying to figure out how to get out (and probably eat our flesh).

Finally we got home....I told my son to sit still while I took this horrid animal to the woods.  I was secretly hoping our Red Tail Hawk would see him and quickly devour him for lunch.

My son said, "Mommy no bites!"  I responded, "No.  No bites."

As soon as I got a handle on the turtle he hissed and tried to stretch his head.  I walked him toward the creek and said hasta la vista and asked him to never come around me again.

Do I still love turtles?  

Yes.

Sea turtles.