Love Notes: Taboo Talk & Lots of Pics

I know my mother reads my blog and so I blush at this topic.  However....it is a topic reserved (in this case) for married couples.  I'm not writing this for single pringles or players or any of that mess (though deep down I have a blog post I'm tinkering with for them).  I'm writing it for you...the married couple....with the little kids draining every ounce of energy and life out of you.  I'm writing it for you who are looking at each other wondering if you really know each other after all these years.

If I'm correct in my assumption you and your spouse used to do it like rabbits.  

You know before babies were actually created by that thing you guys really loved to do.  We all do the whole eye roll and silly smile when we see a newlywed couple.  Then we say something snide like "enjoy that because its gone in a few months...."

So today's topic is about buying flowers.

Just kidding...

Today's topic is about intimacy.  And yes that translates to sex.

This is not the week for talking about cheating or addiction or abuse via sexual relations.  

We're discussing a typical-ish marriage.  The one where Let's Get It On is replaced by the theme song to Thomas the Tank Engine. We're talking about that big husband-wife connector you used to do but then you caught a case of the kids, work, stress, bills, stress, looking at your spouse like they have 16 eyes....you know.

So here's the deal....

So Jewish friends and Christian buds in the Torah (or Old Testament of the Bible) up in good ole Genesis we find that: God made this guy named Adam.  Adam was an alright guy but what could he possibly get done alone?  He could take care of the plants and animals but c'mon guys...he was like the dude from Farmer's Only ads.  He was lonely.  He did his work in solitude.  He needed a friend....a companion....a helper.....and someone to love (*hit it Freddy!*

So God felt like that old man in the eHarmony ad and instead of making a computer system he knocked Adam out cold.  (I feel the need to insert Another One Bites The Dust but it really doesn't fit here.)

From Adam he took a rib and some magic heaven dust and boom he made a hottie named Eve.

Eve was good....real good.

Adam was all about some Eve and so they did that whole get married thing (hmmm I wonder what it was like considering there was no real competition) and then God gifted them with this thing called yada.

God gave married couples the gift of  yada (hello Hebrew!) or in 'Merican terms: "getting to know" each other.

And you're like "he gave them Kramer?"  No he didn't give them Kramer.  He gave them  yada or if I translate it "getting to know one another"  and if I really get translatey on your tail he gave them love making (sex, gettin' it on, gettin' jiggy wid it, playing the piano, etc).  

God gave some yada for a few purposes including the "duh" one - making babies.  He also gave it so that the connection between a husband and a wife could be made stronger.

We live in a society where sex is way too common.  Look - its in your face all.the.time.  Stand at the grocery store waiting on your turn and what is on all the magazines?  Turn on the radio and what is nearly every song referring to these days (all genres ya'll)?  Have you watched television lately?  And I mean basic TV we won't even start in on cable.  Movies?  Ever heard of Christian Gray?  It is everywhere and the more we plaster it all over advertisements, music, movies, TV, etc the cheaper it gets.  The more its everywhere the more it loses its significance and importance.

Ok maybe its not everywhere.  Maybe its lacking in your marriage.

I hate to be the girl who acts like a guy and says this but I'm so going to be her....

Lack of sex will end your marriage, folks.

Disclaimer:  No marriage shouldn't be based on this one item on the table.  And yes there are couples who are not able to have sex.  This isn't for them.  This is for you...Mr & Mrs who don't do it but on a holiday and who look at each other with contempt around 8pm when the kids are asleep.

I'm not going to peg a label on men or women but lets be real.  If you aren't giving it any time because you are too tired (I know) have a head ache (yep) or just don't feel like it (uh huh) then you are slowly taking the butter knife of pain to the chest of your spouse.  In case you didn't know a dull object stabbing is a lot more painful than a sharp object.  A sharp object is immediate pain, bleeding and a trip to the hospital to live or die.  A dull object is very slow to penetrate, more painful than the quick blow, and results in more anger and resentment and ultimately a horrible demise.

There is a connection you make in intimate times that you cannot make watching The Bachelor together on the couch.  There is a revitalization that is made when you are vulnerable before each other that cannot be made by sitting side by side at the table on your separate iPhones.

A strong marriage is communication....understanding the marriage is more than a piece of paper....knowing your spouse's needs.....and being intimate.

You don't need a 50 Shades of Gray mix up (but maybe some of you do....keep that to yourselves ya'll I don't need to know about it).  You just need to stop with the excuses and refusals and let your guard down and find that newlywed that still lives in you.

People really do seek divorce because sexual needs aren't being met.  It sounds funny to some of us but it is really a reason for the union to dissolve.  That's not fair.  If you think about it for a minute that's not a logical excuse either.  Most women aren't gungho about getting it on and they are the ones who turn away or roll over.  Ladies, drop the guard and enjoy the intimacy with your husband who looks at you and wants you.  Marriage is a give and take, fellas.  You want something you have to show her just how much you love her.  You know she's not too into between the sheets time so help her out around the house to ease the stress and overwhelming period between making dinner and bedtime stories.  Remember the Love Languages.  Speak them.

You're married.  Its your prize and gift.  The one wedding gift you didn't mind getting and you should still be putting the shine on.

Enjoy one another, connect, and let your marriage thrive.