Monday Memoirs: 1995 Part 2 The Birth of My Bruddah

Last week we visited 1995 and the trip to Dollywood.

This week we are still in 1995 but a month past the trip to Dollywood.

This time we're going to September 2nd, 1995 and we're going on a hell of an adventure.

9.2.1995 was the last day I would be an only child.  I was 13.10 years old.  That means I was nearly 14.

My mother was a stick with a huge baby belly.  The night started off with a trip to get seafood.  There is a rumor that oysters help induce labor.  My mother ate oysters.

When we got home we walked up and down our little road.  

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

I then retreated to my room and well I'm not sure what I did.  I probably watched tv or blasted CDs.  I seriously am not sure.

Fast forward to about 1AM on Sunday, September 3rd, 1995.  

I was asleep.

My dad came into my room, turned on the light and shook me.

"Wake up!  Your mom is having your brother!"

I remember groggily getting up and looking around.  I wore glasses then so I slipped them on and pulled on some pants.

I know I was wearing a Wake Forest University ACC Basketball shirt.  Why I remember that I have no freakin' clue.

So we drove to Forsyth Memorial Hospital that night.  I remember the ride taking forever even though we're only like 20 minutes from the place.

Once there we went up to the baby place.  Since I was a kid I had to sit out in a generic, very large, waiting area.

There were two of us there....

Me, a 13 year old...dork.

And another guy....I couldn't really see him because he was all wrapped in blankets.  Seriously, all wrapped in blankets stretched out amongst like fifteen chairs.

Whatever....I tried to watch TV but Sportscenter didn't interest me and there was no remote to be found and I was 5'4 and the television was obviously 8 feet in the air.

I tried to find a magazine to read.  I guess in my shuffling around I awoke the mummy.  This tall, lanky black dude said in the big brother way, "Hey girl.  You need a blanket?"  

"Nah, I'm ok.  I can't sleep in here."

He smiled and said ok and immediately fell back into slumber.

Jerk.

I wished I could do that.

I wandered around the hallway but the nurses weren't keen on that {obviously}.  They kept asking if I needed help.  Yeah...help to get a car and bust out of this piece.

Time went by like molasses.

Finally, my dad came out and said I could come back with them.  He said my mom needed to walk.

So we walked up the hall and down the hall.

Up the hall and down the hall.

Up the hall and down the hall.

Then she'd go get checked which meant I stood in the hall.

A few hours later I was sequestered back to the waiting room.  This time it was around 7:30 AM so more people had came in to hold down chairs.  My blanketed friend was gone.  I sat there...so out of place.

A nurse came and said I could come back again.  She said they had given my mom some medicine.

When I went through the automatic doors to the LDR unit I heard the room call box at the nurse's station and the nurses and CNA's were all standing around laughing.  Some woman was going ape shit screaming and cussing.

Then I realized...

That was my mom.

Oh joy and I get to go back?  Sportscenter sounds really damn good right now.

I walked in.  My mom was in the bed and looked like hell.  Check please.

Her labor became active and I was in the hall.

10:10AM I was outside the door when the nurse said, COME IN!

I walked in and there was a huge baby on my mom's stomach.  Like a freakin' amazon kid.

He was screaming bloody murder too.

The doctor had me standing close to him {at the WRONG end of the table} and thought it would be funny for me to see placenta.

It traumatized the hell out of me.

I held the screaming massive human.

A few hours later I left the hospital with my aunt, uncle and cousin (the ones I rode with to Dollywood...remember the smoker who "quit"?)  They took me to get a meal and then home.

I showered and slept.  That would be the last night I slept well until I moved away.

5 on Friday!

1.  Can Frozen thaw out and die?

I am so over all the Frozen posts that are everywhere from IG to FB to Twitter to blogs.  Seriously, I'm ready for that crap to thaw out so people can move on.  I may be a mom but that doesn't mean I subscribe to falling into the pit of Disney and all things my children love.  This whole fiasco also makes me wonder if its more the moms and dads pushing the crap than the actual movie.  Do all three and four year olds go stupid over all the merch that goes with the movie?  My kid sees it but she doesn't go ape shit to get it.  Then I see parents pointing the crap out and basically rubbing their kids' faces in it and then five minutes later the pictures are all over IG.

Hmmm.

2.  Can winter go to frozen hell to?

Maybe Disney's movie is the reason we were bombarded this winter with all the crap weather.  Hey, stranger things have happened.  So earlier in the week we had rain, sleet, and snow.  The forecast for next week is 60s.  Please never let winter return....ok it can come back for the week of Christmas but then it must disappear forever.

3.  This outfit:

Pin it here! 

4.  This cook book:

I'm not a Paula Deen fan because her food is murder on your body.  However, I like the way her boys cook.  This book has some unfriendly and friendly recipes and I'll be highlighting them in April.

5.  This quote:

And with that....I'm out!  Peace, fleece, and bacon grease!

Thankful Thursday

Lately I've been in a whirlwind of sorts.

First it was a punch to the face...unexpected but subconsciously just waiting for.

That turned into making a decision to stoop down to a level or to {perhaps for the first time ever} take the high road.

In turn I was left delivering a letter and turning in a key.  Then I was sitting at home on a rainy morning {after a coffee stop} and suddenly feeling peace.

That peace has remained with me but anxiety has tried to push it away numerous times.

I tried to stay positive and decided that it is, indeed, true: 

I'm not in control of every single aspect of my life.

I learned I had to give up the problems and let someone with more authority deal with them for me.

I stopped planning.

I started watching and listening.

Then anxiety grabbed me again in the form of my husband.  Obviously, worrying and it would come out as "I'm not trying to cause a rift...."

What was I to do?

Nothing.

Nada.

Just keep on keeping on.

The more I gave up the better I started feeling.

The more I accepted that sometimes I do not have the answers the better everything seemed to be.

I put the worry away and pulled out the trust.

Yesterday I found out I'm being gifted a new journey of sorts.  I didn't think I would have this chance but once again - what do I know?  I cannot see the bigger picture because I'm just a little human.

Over and over during this experience I have been reading {words that have strategically been placed in front of me and not by my choosing} that worry leads to no where and trust leads to every where and a thankful heart and mind will carry me.

I am thankful for those words.

I am thankful for learning to actually give up the worry.

I am thankful for so many things I do not deserve but am given.

Recognize.Thankfulness.

WTH Wednesday: Pinnage

It has been a while since I threw pins together to make a post.  Yeah so I just did that for today....Hump Day!

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Pin

I am confused.  This is the Cartier window and for some reason (unbeknownst to me) a freakin' leopard is looking in.  I imagine he wants to eat something stupid....like someone dropping their retirement on a piece of jewelry?

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Um...do you see who that quote is by?  Yeah, Alan Alda the dude from Mash.  Ok looking at the picture and reading the quote I'm wondering who his dealer is...

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These just freak the bejesus out of me.  They seriously look like something some old woman in the mountains would have sitting in her living room.  Go away weird bunnies!

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He said that's just not big enough...hahahaha gross humor.  Sorry had to.  And I think I must have been getting a knitting feed...seriously uncool.  Get your weird elephant to trample those bunnies and scurry off!

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I guess she's waiting on the short bus or the looney bin tram.

Pin

PREACH!

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This just may be the best thing I have ever seen on Pinterest.  This is also how I look on skates...

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I feel certain I will never receive an invitation like this.  However, if I do is this a BYOB event?

Pug

Yes young pug I feel the same at times....

Being a Wolfpack Fan

Living in North Carolina generally means you have three types of people:

1.  Tarheel fans - affectionately referred to by myself and others as Turdholes or Tarholes.
2.  Duke fans - affectionately referred to by most Turdhole fans as Dookies.  (Interesting, same basic thing if you think about it.)
3.  Wolfpack fans - affectionately looked at with a sympathetic smile and shake of the head.

(There is another team here but as usual they are left out.  Sorry Wake.)




Being a Wolfpack fan is like being a glutton for punishment.

We never have the "best" team.

Never.

We never "win" the big games.

Never.

We never get all the glory and pomp and circumstance.

Just don't.

We know what its like to root on the boys in red and black and not have too high of expectations.

And that is ok.

We won't be in your face over a win but we'll look back at you with that smile and laugh and just shake our heads.

We will forever live in the Jimmy V days and occasionally bring up ole P Rivers.  But we won't sit around to talk your ear off about the ole NC State athletics.

We're bigger than that and we know we aren't the best.

We're just happy to always show support for the Pack.  In the ups and downs.  The loss at the last second, the fourteen point lead just given up for no apparent reason, the had it in the bag but the bag fell apart times.

It is part of being a Pack fan.

Wolfpack Nation.

Monday Memoirs: {1995} Part 1 Going to Dollywood

In 1995 my world changed.  

I was 13 the summer of '95 and a few months from turning 14.  

My mom was pregnant with my {one and only} brother who would be born a few weeks after this trip.  I was torn with feelings about becoming a sibling {for the first time} at nearly 14 years old.

Talk about teenage angst.

My extended family {my mammaw, pappaw, aunts (two of them, both chain smokers), uncles (three of them, very different from each other), and cousin (seven years my junior)} piled up in two cars to go to the Smokey Mountains.  By God we were going to Dollywood!

To start off this three hour drive you must know that one aunt had decided to quit smoking the day before this trip.  She had been smoking for probably 22 years.  Just for the record:  if you are going on a vacation with family who has up and decided to quit an addiction cold turkey {the day of the drive} you better just stay home.

I was in her car.

Ten miles into the drive the words I would hear a gazillion times started to be uttered:

"I need a cigarette."

The ride to Pigeon Forge, TN from my hometown is boring.  It is all interstate - I-40 to be exact.  Interstate riding when you are 13 is horrible.  Between the boring billboards and passing 18 wheelers and my aunt's lament for cigarettes I was wishing I was at home.

When we were up into the the Appalachians my Pappaw {in the other car} decided to take a short-cut he knew to get to Pigeon Forge.  What you must know about my Papaw is that he always has a short-cut.  He probably has a short-cut to Japan from his military days.  No one ever said "no" when he offered his short cut approach and I really do not know why.  It was dark, we were in the high country, and now we were taking his short cut route.

Heaven help us.

We were off the interstate.  In the dark on a winding, curvy, followed-a-black-snake-to-build-it-kind-of-road.  Now I was listening to my enraged aunt, who needed nicotine horribly, yell out I NEED A CIGARETTE!  My uncle was turning green with every bend in the road saying, "I'm going to vomit."  My little cousin was giggling beside me.

The short-cut added time to our trip.

It was nearly midnight.

We should have been at our destination HOURS ago.

Both cars pulled over.

My aunt jumped out and let the whole mountain village know that she hadn't had a cigarette and somebody better give her one ASAP or there would be an ass whoopin' of epic proportions.

My uncle got out and put his head between his knees.

My cousin kept giggling.

What was the next move?

It was across the street.

A nasty, hole in the wall motel called...The Teddy Bear.

I imagine, now that I'm older, the Teddy Bear was for rentals by the hour and not for families on their way to Dollywood.  Bad Teddy Bear!

The men went in and rented two rooms.

We all walked into our rooms and froze.  Lovely 60's style A frame rooms complete with mouse holes in the mattresses and bugs in the toilet.

My uncle got right under those covers.  He said he had stayed in worse places in college.

I slept on top of the covers.  My cousin....giggled.

The next day we were in Pigeon Forge.  We got settled in our nice condo and washed the nasty off of us.  We spent the afternoon at Dollywood.  My Pappaw did military cadences through the park which embarrased the shit out of me but my little cousin delighted in them.  She walked behind him marching like a little soldier and being his echo.

I just sat back and listened to the conductor of the tram tell us over and over to keep all hands, feet and other objects inside the tram at all times.  That would be a message we would all make light of and convey at random times to each other the remainder of the trip.

And to be honest the remainder of the trip was peaceful.  My aunt went back to her Marlboro addiction.  We laughed and smiled.  And when it came time to go home....we skipped the short cuts.

5 Minute Friday: Joy

This week I have experienced joy.  Joy like I haven't had in a very, very long time.

*A new possibility has brought me joy
*A news season has brought me joy
*Sunshine and warm temperatures have brought me joy
*My husband has brought me joy
*My children have brought me joy

But above all God has brought me all these things.  {He also brought me peace of mind and heart}.  All my joy is from Him.  I accept and acknowledge that.

5 on Friday

1.  I got my tball roster!

I had mentioned a few months ago I was going to sign up to coach tball.  I played...and it lead to softball and that lead to a lot of freakin' fun from ages 6-16.  So you can imagine how fun it is going to be to be the big kid helping the littles learn sportsmanship and to run to first not third after you hit.

I really hope we can be the Cubs.  My favorite team and c'mon its just fitting for a bunch of 5 year olds.  {Royal, if you're reading this I'm ok with your Boston boys...so chill out.}



2.  This Thirty-One Contraption!

I blogged about it on Wednesday.  This thing is just so freakin' nifty.  I'm trying it out on all sorts of things.  If you haven't heard about it then check it out by {clicking here} and then get up with Angie about what all is going on with Thirty-One and their special this month and next.

3.  Balls.

Royal said on Monday that I had big balls.  That is a big compliment.  I'm just glad I do not physically have big balls.  That's kinds gross.

4.  Stay At Home Mom Juice

I never was a fan of Arbor Mist.  It is like carbonated suburb wine.  Last week I picked up a bottle at the grocery store {sale, flavor sounded interesting and it was cheaper than a liquor store run}.  I popped the...wait no....I unscrewed the lid {so wrong} and man was that stuff good.  I plan to make some things with it and share with you guys.

5.  Our babysitter's big question!

We have the best babysitter for our date nights.  She is the sweetest and best girl in the world.  My kids adore her.  Prom is coming up and man oh man did her friend {possibly boyfriend, not sure} ask her in the sweetest way.  Check out this photo!

Are you there, God? Its me Brownie.

Via

I wonder sometimes what a preacher intends for their sermons.  Growing up Methodist the preacher always prefaced their sermons with this:

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be what you want them to be

That's a Psalm - in case you didn't know - Psalm 19.  

I had been in a precarious situation for a little while.  My heart was truly torn.  Knowing that I could not make the decision on my own I turned to God.  In every situation that causes me any type of distress I always go right to the Big Man.  I go to a quiet place where no one is around and I let it flow out of me.  My fears, my praises, my human-ness.  I just let it go.  

For days I had been seeking God's counsel.  Like any human who wants a pizza in thirty minutes or less and the bank account info at the click of a finger I didn't like the speed at which His delivery was going.

I sought the advice of my husband.

I sought the advice of two close friends.

I needed something greater.  I needed to hear from the Creator who knows my story already.

Sunday morning came with rain, and if you ask me it came way too early.  When I am stressed over a situation I tend to not sleep enough.  Looking at the rain and the dropping temperatures and the fact my husband was headed out of state I decided to lay low.  

Then I asked my daughter what she wanted to do.

"Go to church!  It is Sunday!"  She was excited, she loves the church we attend.  I however did not share in that excitement on this particular sleep deprived, cold, wet Sunday.

To be honest, I started thinking of ways to persuade her otherwise.  My daughter was working faster than my noggin and it was literally within the blink of an eye that she came out of her room fully dressed and ready to go.

Being a good Southern woman you don't mess with a child who is ready to go to church.  You put on your pearls and face and get in gear.

We arrived at church and the baby went to the nursery and we went to the sanctuary.  

Then service started.

The opening prayer from the minister was tailor made for me {No, she doesn't know it but man oh man did I...."some came dragging and some came skipping....some with heavy hearts and some overjoyed...."}

The music moved me more than normal.  The words were reflections of what I know and believe -

Holy, holy, holy,

Lord God Almighty

Early in the morning

My song will rise to thee

Then the minister and her son did a beautiful rendition of 10,000 Voices by Matt Redmon.  I have heard this song 10,000 times and I always sing along when K-Love plays it but this time, in this setting, knowing my heart was heavy yearning for guidance it just really hit home.  My eyes swelled with tears.  Please God give me some direction was singing from my heart.

When the sermon began I felt the thump of God's knuckle on my head.

Terah's family was dying out....there were no more....God had been trying to form a connection with mankind but they rejected Him and built in their own honor....then God said to Terah's family go and He will take care of them.

No, I'm not Terah, I'm not Abram, and I'm not the last of my family and I don't have a tower to myself.

That's when she took the scripture to relate to us.

The Ancient Hebrew translation of "Go".............

To us we think go means {proper Southern} "get on" {say that like your memaw did to the old dog that used to wander up and mess with her scratching hens.}

The Ancient Hebrew translation for go is this:  enter a void in order to fill it

Whoa.

I sat there and for a second I was just another pew-holder-downer and then she said it again -

Go - enter a void in order to fill it

Then it was taken a step further.

Sometimes God wants us to go so He can use us for the purpose He created us for.  He wants us to create {enter} a void in order {for Him} to fill it.  

Then came the clencher.

God said to Terah's family - I will take care of you.

God never leaves us if we are willing to trust His hand in our lives.  God will ease pain, provide a way, and take your hand and lead you to what He wants you to be.  Of course you have to be willing to accept his lead and willing to be patient with Him and also willing to get up and not be lazy.

For days I have begged God for an answer to my stupid, tiny, non life or death problem.  There are people who are battling addictions, diseases, poverty, famine, and civil war. Here I was wanting his attention STAT and his answer even STAT-er.  

But God says nothing we ask is too small or too large.  He wants us to bring it all to Him.  Jesus said, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light..."  Matthew 11:30 - and he asks us to claim it.  To give Him our problems and let Him give us happier existence by having faith and trusting him.

I gave him my problem a while back.  I waited impatiently.  I became upset that I couldn't get a quick answer.  Not enough sleep, too much worry, lots of doubt.

Then in a Sunday morning message....that I would not have even heard had I not let my six year old daughter excitedly say she wanted to go to church.

Go and He will provide.

Go and do not worry he will take care of you and your worries.

Go and let Him do His work.

Create a void in order for it to be filled and He will fill that void.

I must admit after we finally made it to the car I sat there and just stared at the church.  For the first time in what felt like weeks I felt an enormous pressure...gone.  I smiled and I laughed and I thanked Him.

We had a beautiful rainy and cold Sunday.  It was all due to the words of our pastor's mouth, the meditation of her heart, and some Ancient Hebrew translated and put before me.

God is great.  God is good.

WTH Wednesday: Walmart Deli Lady

This morning after my power hour of cleaning I ran some errands.

One of my errands included going to Walmart to get the kid a t-ball glove, a can of chili for hotdogs, some contact solution, and some potato salad.

The potato salad is what this post is about.

So I'm at the deli counter looking at the options:

American Potato Salad *also known as Original.

Southern Potato Salad 

Amish Potato Salad

What?

Amish Potato Salad?

For those of you who know me pretty good through my blog or in living color then you know when I see Amish I light up like a God forbidden Christmas tree.

So I'm trying to figure out what exactly makes Amish Potato Salad different.

The deli workers were in a hot debate over something at their churches.  They were about five feet from the counter, donning the necessary deli worker attire, totally ignoring me.

Finally after five minutes one turns and says, "Um somebody will get you in a minute."

Hmm ok...glad to hear that considering you are all standing over there pow wowing.

Then another lady turns around and walks off.  She pops back up and says, "I'll get ya in a little bit."

What the hell?

Channel Amish niceness, Brownie.  Channel it.

Finally this lady comes over to help.  She's a large lady.  She's missing a few teeth.  She has a look on her face like "I dare you to tell me what you want"....

I smile and tell her I need half a poud of cole slaw and then I asked the million dollar question:  "So um what is Amish Potato Salad?"

She cuts her eyes and says, "Its potato salad Amish people make."

Well no shit Sherlock.  However, I don't think Walmart has some Amish women stashed in a store room whipping this shit up.

So I smile and say, "Well what makes it different from regular potato salad?"

She says, "Amish people make it.  I guess they don't use onions."

Come again?

By this time I'm just enjoying this woman's ideas on this damn potato salad.  I am seriously falling in love with this deli counter woman.

I ask her if she's ate it.

"Yeah I guess one time."

I asked if she liked it.

"Potato salad is potato salad.  It is what it is ya know?"

She was super sweet by this point.  I smiled at her and wished her a happy day and told her I'd see her again sometime.

I picked up the Walmart Amish Potato Salad and headed off.

By the way...its nasty.  They may not like electricity but those black dress bitties love to pour a vat of sugar in their potato salad.