THX & Serious Guilt Trip!

I have hit over 5000 views on the blog.  I want to say thank you so much for reading this little nook and or cranny on the web.  My readers mean a lot to me - you are all appreciated.

I never in a million years would have thought I'd have anybody read this thing.  Wowzahs!

One thing I appreciate from my readers is feedback, which I get a lot of.  I have people message me on Facebook and Twitter asking me questions and I enjoy "chatting" and comparing notes.

This week I have been focusing more on the whole reason I started my blog - memories.  I figured with Father's Day starting off the week it would be a great time to get more family stuff on here.  When my numbers began to go higher than I thought they would and the feedback started coming in I started veering away from the true purpose of my blog and that was a bad idea.  So in the coming weeks and months you'll see more family stuff on here.  I've found out you guys like that too....and I get that totally.  I love to read blogs that give me ideas on things to do around the house and with the fam as well.

So thanks so much.

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Now let me share my current feelings with you.

I'm in a big, fat slump.  If you are a working mom or dad you probably fall in that slump of "working parent guilt" where you wish you were home with the kids.  Well guess what....stay at home moms hit slumps too and I am in it pretty deep.

I want to preface this by saying:  I am blessed beyond measure with two healthy, cognitively on track, beautiful children and a super good hubby who I love to no end.  This is not a woe is me blog post.

OK.... 

Here's the deal...I feel like I am not giving my family my best.  Rearing my kidlets is an important and critical job and only I will do it the way I see best --- however I feel like I need to be doing more.  More means bringing in some money.

The weight of the world of finances is on my husband.  It is my job to manage the finances.  I just feel so disgusting since I am not assisting in bringing in some finances. 

Why do I feel this way?  Its simple - I've always worked.  I entered the world of working when I was thirteen and my grandma would drive me to my payroll processing job every afternoon at 3:00 and I would work until 5:15.  I worked in middle school, high school, and college.  When I had my daughter I was unemployed for a blippit of time before heading back to work.  Last May I was laid off (yes at six months pregnant.....could have sued but that's not my character).  So here we are 13 months later and I'm constantly fighting a battle of looking for part time job opportunities for when the midget starts to kindergarten and that leads into finding a trustworthy person who would be able to watch my baby for me to go bring home a drop in the proverbial bucket so that I feel a little better about what I am doing for my family.

Then the guilt really hits -"I'm saying I want to let someone else have precious time with my last baby while I go to make $100 so I can feel more worth my salt..." 

Then the reality hits - "Would I just be making money to hand someone else to watch my child?"

And the guilt continues...

See working parents, its not just you who feel guilty.  Some of us stay at homes are feeling pretty darn guilty ourselves.

I'll continue to try to keep my focus up:

I am doing something that will not last long.  Babies grow very fast (my up and coming kindergartner should not be much older than my nearly ten month old) and this job will be obsolete one (very quickly approaching) day. 

When I worry about finances I have to remember that God always provides as long as we remember He does.

I will never be pulling a Scarlett O'Hara digging up potatoes in the dirt (but if I did I'd make it more fun than she did).  I just have to remain positive - this is just one lily pad I will sit on before it is time to jump forward and there will be a good opportunity to jump forward if I stay alert, focused, and happy as a frog in a fly pit. 

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xx
Brownie