Today I am in love with.....sanity.
Disclaimer: I am not wearing kid gloves on this post. If it pisses you off or offends you I prescribe a good dose of get-over-yourself and a swift kick to the tail bone.
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I have had some experiences with the "not so normal" this week. I know normal is...well a relative word but we understand the boundaries around the general consensus of what normal is. A few encounters this week with other members of the human race have showed me what its like outside the boundaries set by the idea of normal.
Trust - we are all just one police car ride away from being locked away in an asylum. We never know when our trusty noodles will have something occur that makes us go Olympic diving into a wading pool and we pray we never ever experience those feelings. I am not putting down or making light of insanity. Ok maybe trying to make a bit of light of it but hell that's me you guys - I make fun of stuff. So let me introduce my number one adjective.
I'm sure somebody has called me crazy. That's fine. I know I have a clean bill of mental health (as far as my doctor is concerned). I don't hear voices (or do I? Oh wait I forgot to press end on the phone...ha!). I don't think I'm the Queen of England (but am the Queen of Brownie Land -complete with unicorns and pegasus! Remember my 5 year old!). I don't cut myself (except when improperly handling my Ninja - the juicer - not the cool Asian fighter in the basement). I don't want to drive to the ocean and see if my car will change into a boat. I don't want to hurt anyone or myself. I don't want to stay in bed and disconnect from the world.
I am blessed with some mental health. Thank ya Jesus.
My heart aches for those who battle mental disease and disorder. Whether they are fighting a mild depression or are living with schizophrenia - I pray to God I never ever feel their pain first hand and I hope they remain safe and well cared for.
The adjective that I have found people describe me with is mean.
Yes, I am apparently a very mean person.
The first time someone actually called me out as mean I think I was 14. I really don't know what I did - being honest here. I pretty much kept to myself and my own business and maybe was shy and that got misconstrued as being mean.
This description of me continued to plaster itself upon my head....it still does. I'm one Mean Brownie.
I've never really done anything that I can think of to gain this title. I'm not a fighter or brawler. I'm not out jumping fences to punch people out. I don't kill pets or pinch babies. I don't trip the elderly. But I do have this hole on my face that doesn't have the best strainer on it. Instead of just the water being drained off the noodles it generally all comes spewing out of the pot.
Yes, I have cussed people up one side and down the other. I'm not proud of that flaw I have. But sometimes the Jesus shirt gets turned inside out and Mean Brownie Spawn of Satan decides to blow fire on people. It hasn't happened in a very long time. As I have gotten a tad bit older I am realizing I can harness the hole on my mouth and the blood pressure.
I will tell you that harness has been one tough cookie to handle in the past few days.
When mean meets crazy -you get something you cannot describe with words.
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I believe God, Allah, the Universe introduces us to people to better us - make us smarter, make us more understanding, more empathetic, more aware of ourselves, etc.
Well thank ya Jesus, you introduced me to Crazy and I now see some of the things I was questioning about my parenting and self need not be questioned any further. I asked for an answer or a sign and buddy you gave it.
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I met a person. This person seemed a little broken down and in need of some time. So I thought why not extend the olive branch and offer them some "time" by taking on their child(ren) for a few hours so they can shower.
My heart was in the right place! Yes - see I'm not a mean soul.
So we worked it out.
I didn't really know this person from Adam. But was willing to help out another mumsy. Oh my.
After a good deed gone well bad - I found myself sitting across from someone with more issues than Time Magazine.
The crazy was a type of crazy that Dr. Phil would be baffled over. In the course of about thirty minutes this poor soul across from me had blatantly told me lie after lie. This poor soul was spewing the most confusing demonstration of conversation I have ever in my life sat through. Let me tell you I have had some weird conversations. I had a lot of drug loving friends in college and they gave me some interesting conversational moments that made no sense but compared to this person (I just felt I was helping a bit by relieving from mom duties for a couple hours)......those conversations from college were totally collegiate in all aspects of being intelligent and congruent.
How did you know she was lying? She would spew a lie and within ten minutes totally contradict with truth the lie she had spewed. But that wasn't all the recipe for this batch of crazy. She couldn't let me talk. I would start a sentence, be two words in, and she would take over with a random rambling from her brain. She also wanted to know the lay out of my home and then wanted a "drug addicted" friend to come by MY HOME.
Disclaimer: IF you're hooked on drugs I am sorry. You need help. You need control. Get someone to help your tail before your tail is in the ground.
Long story short I spent over an hour seeing why psychology never interested me and why being a pyschiatric doctor was never on my path.
I heard the praises of certain medicines by this person and reasoned that if they are on those medications they are on the incorrect dosage or they just use them as decoration in a cabinet.
Within moments of the sit down time I was deemed a best friend and was asked when we could go on vacation.
Then I learned something about me. Mean may be totally fitting. As this person continually constructed odd ramblings and made uncomfortable comments and continued to lie I began to feel - angry, mad, upset. It was about to rear itself into being mean. I excused myself from the room and took a moment to cool down Mean Brownie.
Mean Brownie was ready to attack. She was ready to speak French. She was ready to find her soccer foot and kick some tail out. Mean Brownie was rising up fast. Mean Brownie also got pushed down really fast by Level Headed Brownie.
I prayed - "God get this psycho out of my home and please let me be a good person."
Well he rescued me - but I had two extra set of pitter patters in my house.
A two hour date turned into a nearly 4 hour one.
When Crazy Betty returned (with friends) Mean Brownie came out - just a tad bit. "I'm glad you're her I have to head out myself. Please go ahead and get your children. We'll see you another time."
Then came the part I had been waiting for... the let me invite you over. I quickly and cleanly shot it down - nicely.
My heart ached as they left. It ached that someone could be that out of control with themselves. It ached for the kids, they were good kids. What were they living in? I felt bad.
"God, don't let me be a really mean person."
I think I hear him whisper - "You did good. I'm proud. Breathe and move on."
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God then decided I didn't have enough on my fun time agenda of dealing with crazies. So he paired me up with a bad mom. I don't normally let that title run out of my mouth because I constantly negatively critique myself but good gosh almighty my child is my child and not my ruler.
I quickly was placed in a situation that reassured me I may not be Super Nanny but I sure as heck am a good mama and I'm raising a child who is respectful and kind. I strive to have a kid that the teachers say they would love to have in their classroom and not say "Oh my lord not that child!!!!"
IF any of you mamas out there are raising little snide, rude, stuck up, disrepectful brats you better get that crumb cruncher in line and STAT. It is time to take them off your ninny and put them out in the real world so they can learn that no they aren't always cute and they don't always get their way. Life will be a lot easier if they learn that at 2, 3, and 4 than if they have to learn it later in life.
Crazy mamas - get a grip.
My kids aren't perfect and I know it. They embarass me but they don't get away with it. Life isn't always roses and daffodils so don't lie to your children and make them think it is. Teach them right from wrong, left from right, and up from down. Teach them how to be grateful and that yes honey does catch more butterflies than vinegar. Be accountable for your spawn.
Crazy mamas breed crazy babies unless they get in check.
Maybe this is where Mean Brownie comes from - being dirty honest.
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Today I am thankful and in love with my mommy friends who, like me, have a healthy dose of crazy going on and who worry about the way they are raising their kids. The ones who strive to raise a kid worth their salt.
You mamas rock.
Mean Brownie says so.
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Salmon Patties are a southern favorite here's my recipe:
1can salmon
2 eggs beaten
S&P to taste
1 onion chopped
Breadcrumbs of your choice 1 1/4 cups
Use a spoon to help locate any bones and remove. If you want to eat them you can but chop them in a food processor first.
Place the salmon in a bowl with other ingredients.
Stir together
Make into patties - about 12.
Place in a pan and cook until a nice golden brown.
Heart healthy and yummy!
If you're mean it will help an BP issues you have.
February is Go Red for Heart Health! Look for the heart on your favorite foods to make heart healthy choices. Also, I prefer Margaret Holmes veggies and she offers a yummy southern style line of canned foods.
Remember - Salmon is good for you and may bring the kitties out. Dispose of any unused salmon in a safe place so animals aren't hurt and you don't stink too bad!
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Until we meet again -
Mean Brownie
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