Budgeting the Bread

1.29.2013 Today is bed cleaning day.  We're cleaning all our bed linens and mattresses.

Ever heard the phrase - "You make your bed you lay in it"?

Today I'm cleaning those beds we lay in.  That's not really what today's blog is about though - not the actual beds we sleep in each night. 

In honor of January 31st - the date that W-2's must be given to employees by their employers by - I am going to tackle (hopefully in a fun way) the budget system. 

Disclaimer:  these are tips from me, Brownie, that I have used. I am not a professional financier or Montel Williams. These are common sense.  If you want me to elaborate I will in an email.  And I know you know my email address.  I'm going pretty bare bones basic and trying to make you chuckle as well.

Part one!

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“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
― Groucho Marx

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Lets get dirty honest.

Look around your house - what do you own?  I mean really own.  You have paid for it in full.

You probably named off a lot of things or took note of a lot of things in your mind. 

Ok, now let me ask you that same question so that you are forced to be accountable.

Look around your house - what do you really own? (Insert your third grade teacher's voice now) Really, in this sentence, means you have no debt against it, you didn't swipe the card for it and you're still paying on that swipe bill you get each month.

If you really own something you are not making monthly payments on it.  If you are making monthly payments, well someone else owns that thing you just counted as yours.

If you are like most Americans in 2013 - you don't own too much.

Right now I can tell you I do not own my fridge, dishwasher, dryer, or car.  They are all owned by the furniture store and Bank of America.  However, in a month I will own my car and in three months my appliances.  (Personal cheering section begins cheering now, woo hoo great handspring thing.)

Are you feeling low?  Well don't!  You are not low, you are one classy fashionista/er.  You just may be like I was and in a financial mess.  Time to spiffy up darling.  Time to take charge....oh man totally wrong choice of words.

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I have always had a fear of debt.  Debt sucks, debt can control your life.  Unfortuntely, the fear of debt is few and far between in our population today.  Just look at our government, they love debt!  They love China!  China is their Visa.  So sad.

When I went off to college I got something called a crap card, I mean credit card.  Nobody needs one.  They are evil little magnetic strip hoochies.  You are accountable for a swipe and you are accountable for a bill and most kids don't truly realize the swipe creates a bill and the more swipes the bigger the bill.  A lot of kids see that credit card statement at the end of the month and go - "Like oh my gahhhh!  Where did his enormous bill come from?"  Surprise ditzo, it came from your spending habits!  Way to go on being financially enslaved! (Kids and money will be a blog for another day this week)

Tip number 1:  Do not get a credit card.
Tip number 1a:  If you have one, cut it up.  Its over.  Its done.  Your credit card is not you confidante but your cheating lover who is screwing you over everywhere but where it counts.  (Ok that was raunchy, sorry, but you secretly loved it.)

Credit cards are set up to suck your blood.  So if you're all up in the Twilight saga these are the bad news vampires not the fun ones that make you want to grow fangs and get with some pastey white dude. 

Every time you swipe you lose.  So if you want to be a winner you will stop with the credit swiping.  I like this phrase:  Every time you swipe a card you're getting swiped even more.

Did you know the majority of Americans do not use credit cards on necessities but on "wants".  Believe it or not that television is not necessary for your sustainability on this earth.  Neither is the pocketbook that costs what two months grocery trips would also cost.

And p.s. if you buy it with plastic its going to cost you more in the long run when it is eventually your own personal property and not Mastercard's.

There are times to use credit and we'll discuss those later. (It will take like two sentences)

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Tip dos - Stop trying to be someone you aren't.

You have been preached this lesson since you entered the world - be yourself.  But the life of the homosapian is quite hypocritical.  Somewhere along the line we decide to say you need to be more like Bob and Sally instead of being ourselves.  This can lead to an American pit called "status symbols" -

Half the people driving, carrying, living in, and showing off those "status symbols" do not own those status symbols. 

The moral of the story is - are you seriously envious of debt?

The sad truth - apparently a lot of people are.

This is where the big issue lies in finances, compulsive eating, anorexia, cutting, you know all those personal demons.

You're trying to fill a void, whether you are eating the entire chocolate cake followed by three bags of cheesey poofs or you are going out tomorrow to buy that Nintenboxstation because all the guys have one.  The void will not be filled by buying stuff you can't pay for with cash and will not be filled by eating the entire bakery. 

The void will only allow itself to be filled if you can be dead honest with yourself and uncover and take control of the true problem underneath all those designer clothes.  Uncover the root of the problem that drives that desire for the over priced luxury car.  Find what is driving you to think you have to have to the lavish even though your salary is saying - you'll never get out of the red until you respect me.

The reason you got fifty tattoos last year, the reason you cry in the bathroom at 11:34 every day, the reason you keep lying over and over again - its the same reason that you will be in financial turmoil if you don't face who YOU are and what your demons are.

A lot of people want to feel in control by spending.... outside their means.  Swiping a card that you will only be able to make the minimum payment on is not giving yourself control.  It is allowing one more thing in your life to control your every move. 

Get dirty with yourself.  Look at yourself and cry and scream and punch the wall but get real with who you are and why you think its so bad to be beautiful you.  Make a pact to start fresh, to fall in love with the person you keep trying to suppress, the real you.

Then take control of your money.  Realize you need to be in control of that green stuff in your pocket so you can truly be free from so many burdens.

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Tip three - Budget your booty

Chances are you have a job (me, unpaid).  Chances are someone in your home has a job that makes bread.  (Bread as in money, not Panera). 

Sit down with a piece of paper, pen, calculator and get to budgeting.

Every single penny should be accounted for. 

Bob makes $700 a week after taxes well c'mon now.

Every single penny, nickle, dime, quarter, dollar should be accounted for.  There should be no "lost" money in the picture.  Lost money is the money that you cannot account for.  Hmmm where did that $40 go?  Treat your money like your other child.  You should always know where little Jimmy is at at all times.  You should always know where every penny of yours is too

Figure in the extras too - date nights, underwear shopping trip, Fido's grooming appointment. 

The point is a budget will keep you in line and help you meet financial goals. Speaking of that....

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Set financial goals.

Got debt?  Start knocking it down.  No more minimum payment junk.  Pay on that credit!  Get that crap out of your life.

Start with those little debts.  Maybe you owe the dentist $200 - well get rid of it.  Maybe you owe $75 on a Gap card, well pay it and get it gone.  Get the little guys gone so you can put more money towards paying the big guys.

And then celebrate your success.  When you deplete $1,000 of debt then do something nice for yourself that you can pay for with cash for less than $50.

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Hold up, wait a minute, let me throw a monkey wrench in it.

So you're excited!  You want to pay off all the debt this year.  Ok great but remember to be realistic.  Um you do need to eat and you may need a new bra or Billy may need a cup for baseball season this year.

When you budget, budget a certain amount every month for unexpecteds.  Some call it an emergency fund.  You know, when your kid decides to be a gymnast on the monkey bars and breaks their arm in forty seven places - you may need $150 for a copay at the ER.  You may also need $40 for an Rx at the pharmacy.  If you have four legged children - one may decide to make a new friend with a very angry wilderness beast and end up needing a trip to see Mr. Vet.  Your car may be damaged in some way and need repairs.  A tree could fall on your house.  There are all kinds of crazy things that can happen - and a little money in the pot you forgot is good to have.

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Last one - if you are married you need to put that money together.  If you can't do that.....you shouldn't have got married.  Apparently you don't trust each other enough to share a checkbook and if that's the case you sure as fire don't trust each other enough to be legally bound til death do you part.

Marriage is two becoming one.  Its not two staying two.  Your debt combines, your wealth combines. 

You are supposed to be a team.

If you cannot be a team at the bank - you cannot be a team at really anything else.....without too many fights, screaming matches, i hate you's, and tears.  Ahhh not the recipe for rearing happy children!

Also...its true more marriages crumble due to money than to somebody getting a little hoo hoo or pickadilly sandwich from another candy store counter.

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Ok I'm done.  I cannot type on this any further.

I can say that it has worked for me and my husband.  We will be 90% debt free by 12/31/13 (God willing and the creek don't rise) and baby doll that is the best freaking feeling in the world - to know pretty soon debt will be a thing of the past is so liberating.

These tips that I have used were for a debt under 16K.  However, I feel like they would be good for any amount of debt you may have.  I think its totally important to live frugal no matter how much money you are sitting on.  Remember in the blink of an eye you can lose your tail feathers, never let that thought escape you. 

And yes, I will visit more on money later (after a stiff drink or twelve).....but for today I just wanna.....

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Cook up some viddles with me!

Last night we had hamburger steak with mushrooms, onions, and green peppers.  I served it with rice and salad....yummy!

All you need:

Hamburger patties
S&P
1 onion (I used yellow) chopped
1 green pepper  chopped
8 oz of mushrooms
Tin foil

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
Place each patty on a sheet of tin foil
Lightly salt and pepper each patty
Cover each piece of meat with the veggies and mushrooms
Wrap somewhat tightly in tin foil (so juices don't leak out)
Place on a cookie sheet and bake for about 40 minutes.

I placed ours on a bed rice.

Good eating and very inexpensive (fitting for the post). 

And I was too hungry to take a final picture, we devoured it quickly. 

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Until we meet again -


Brownie